Updated: Sep 18, 2019
And today is Monday …
A new morning, a new week and a new month, and hopefully the start of my head not feeling so disconnected !!!
A disjointed blog post but hopefully it will make more sense as you read on !!
Day three in Rhu’s head and who or what is going to be evicted, well if only I knew that would be a start !!
When I was young, my mum would just tell me to sort myself out if I was a bit out of sorts, could I ? I don’t really remember, I do remember crying into my pillow without knowing the reasons, but I’m going to put that down to teenage hormones and scared of the rest of my life, which I suppose is all normal teenage life.
With the evolution of the internet and more self awareness those feelings can (rightly or wrongly) be deemed to be something so much deeper and we have the ability to dig deeper, which is something I’ve been doing for the past few days.
I’ve been a bit AWOL over the past few months, believing that I needed to be that happy smiley lady on camera, but just not managing it … I mean who wants to see my sad face - not me, that's for sure.
This morning I do feel brighter, maybe it’s because it’s the weekend and that means time out with my partner doing fun stuff, or maybe the past two days of typing HAVE been cathartic. I’ve left what I’ve written as it was, because that was the journey.
I am going to make myself accountable, scroll down to find out about how I’m going to do that.
A few months ago, there I was, sights set on a new direction for my business, supporting and creating communities within my industry, set with a 1-2-1 business coach, (excellent by the way - Suzi Witt) excited, focused, determined and ready to go for it when BOOM this happens … BOOM … that happens ….
BOOM BOOM BOOM (I’m not going into any of this as much of relates to issues beyond anyone's control) but suffice to say, my direction slips, my mind is occupied elsewhere, not just with one little puddle but what was turning into a bit of a pond in my head and in turn all these little tributaries, my life from the past 15 years or so started feeding into it, and becoming a blooming great lake that I felt like I was drowning in, to the point when even the smallest of things felt titanically heavy, weighing me down and made me lose sight of where I was going, in fact they opened up deep bottomless caverns to drown me in. Bringing me to a point where I would have all good intentions on vlogging, blogging and my social media groups, but without the ability to know what I wanted to say or do, or put the smile on I felt I needed to help and encourage others - I feel lost and that I’d lost control - outwardly, I'm not sure if it shows though, it feels like I’m like this when I am on my own, sad and confused and a bit melancholy.
What am I going to do, how am I going to get out of this? The cause was no fault of anyone, I just ended up being the person who came to the rescue. I kind of feel guilty being quiet, I’d started a social media group for my new business and I’m just not there doing what I want to do, supporting and building confidence, mostly because mine feels buried, I know it’s there, I just need to find it again.
I felt I needed to explain my absence from my business path, so I caught up with Suzi, telling her of my mixed up head space, my loss of direction, and another life changing decision my partner and I had made, I needed to explain and that is when it struck me, as I was writing to her I found it was helping and I that I needed to write, to tell you how I feel, how I’ve dealt with stuff in the past and how I’m struggling with it now.
Writing this down feels better, it takes it from my head and puts it into perspective in some ways. I eventually talked to my partner last night, explaining how I was feeling, or rather how I didn’t understand or know why I was feeling like this and he pointed out, life has been a ‘bit’ of a challenge over the past few years and so much has happened this summer, he thought I my head may still be tired from it all and I should pretty much ease up on making myself feel guilty when there is nothing to feel guilty about. And as for my vlogs, well take yourself off out into the fresh air and find yourself again, and he could be right.
Suzi came back with her words of wisdom, support and encouragement to keep writing it down, I had told her that I had started doing that and I had a variety of blogs in the making - and with that she challenged me to finish one and get it published. That in itself has helped and motivated me, (secretly, I was ready to sit and watch some chickflick, but the seed was sown and here I am)
So what are some of the signs of stress and do I meet them, well I certainly tick the boxes of the following attributes:
Lack of motivation or focus
Others include : - this list is not exhaustive
Inability to concentrate
Loneliness and isolation
Chest pain, rapid heart rate
Aches and pains
Eating more or less
Sleeping too much or too little
Aches and pains
How can I help myself?
Well in the first instance it is to do this:
write it down
talk to trusted friends and my partner
stop making myself feel guilty about what I’m not doing
Get out in the fresh air more - I know this works as I’m at my happiest at the weekends out on bike rides
Get out of the house more and meet with friends - it can be difficult working from home alone and it can become a difficult habit to break - I challenge myself to at least once a week to meet with other people
Do more things just for me - I had promised myself to have one day a week to do another craft, sewing or crochet or something else that I would enjoy
These are a few small steps and ones we should all strive to include in our lives - how about joining me and giving some of these things a go too, especially if you are feeling under pressure and stressed.
I need to make myself accountable for these things too, so I’m going to create a weekly poll in my Facebook group where you can join me and be accountable too - pop over to Cake Minds and if you are not already a member request to join.