You spend months either getting ready to go, or looking forward to going, the suspense builds in the weeks and days before the show, preparations are made, promises are made of meeting up, coffees, meals, chats and hugs and then BOOM it’s all over, some promises were kept, some were impossible to coordinate, exhaustion, confusion and a sense of sadness creeps in.
Do you find that too ?
Do you experience a roller-coaster of emotions do all those anxiety niggles, impostor syndrome and total panic stations all kick in meaning you just want to hide away !!!
Is that the enigma that is Cake International for you too … where at some point it’s all so overwhelming you melt into a pool of tears or find a corner to be invisible in?
You’re not alone, I can assure you that, I’ve spoken to a number of my friends this weekend who all were so excited but had a full range of intense emotions to deal with and fight off.
Being a judge, although exhausting does keep you busy and occupied for a few days, and although there are a few stolen hugs and catch ups while that is happening having a day to yourself and to wander aimlessly around the show seems like a total dream, so why did I end up running away to the craft show, overwhelmed by how I was feeling in the cake show. I’ve noticed I can feel lost maybe it’s because I feel I’ve not got a purpose, I’m not really there to buy anything so it’s more about catching up with people. Lonely in a crowd of people !
And here’s the truth … sometimes it feels like I’m invisible, even situations with three people you can feel excluded, sometimes blatantly excluded, people you actually know. Why, why does that happen, yes it’s stressful to be involved or organise a stand, I know that, but it’s just plain rude, sometimes it seems like people take on a totally new persona as soon as they walk into the hall and effects others deeply. But am I guilty of that too and we just don't realise we are doing it.
Maybe by Sunday we are all just so tired, emotions are heightened, so exhausted that we don’t even realise we are doing it, are we aware we are behaving like it, I don’t think we do, because maybe I’ve done that I’m not really sure. I know if I’m on a mission though, I’m very head down and get the job done and can be oblivious of what I’m doing or maybe ignoring. If I do that then I am deeply sorry, it is not my intention.
The flip side are those you do meet and catch up with, those you have long heartfelt conversations with and make a real connection, those friends who are always there and always will be those you miss so much all year and get to spend some precious time with and who tear your heart apart when you have to go your separate ways. The kind words and actions of those you’ve only ever met online and eventually meet in the flesh, the hugs and smiles and tears. The simple action of holding someone’s hand to show you know and that you’re there, even if they are preoccupied … that is what I will take away from the weekend.
Cake International you are an enigma to me, ever growing and changing, bringing so many together over the years, so many friendships and for some romance, you are truly magical but oh so complex and challenging on the emotions. I wish we could have just one more day together x